1. Flush the toilet....really yellow or brown it’s just fuckn gross
2. Chew with your mouth closed....don’t be a pig
3. Don’t talk with food in your mouth....slow the fuck down and................................... swallow
4. Cover your mouth when you sneeze....no brainer
5. Wash your hands....come on how fuckin hard is it.....................................
6. Say please often....
7. Say thank you...more often..........
8. Pick up after yourself...nobody wants to be your fuckin maid
9. Park between the lines...after 12 years of this shit........you should have this  shit figured out
10. There is a thing called a turn signal....use it...it’s not fuckn optional.....
11. If your living with your partner....close the toilet seat...or at least put the ring down
12. If your sick...don’t touch people...
13. Don’t tailgate...that’s a shithead thing to do...
14. If your cyclists and have been riding more than two years..don’t half wheel...it’s fuckn annoying
15. Don’t lick your fingers while your eating...what the fuck.......where you born in a dam cave...



Your just an English pig with no brain, if you do any of these.......



1. Ride the same distance with your buddies approximate cost 6$ in nutritional products.
2. Gas cost to get you to starting point approximate cost...
12$ give or take a few bucks depending where you are driving in from
3. No charge for parking...........................free
4. You will not have to wrestle a skin suit  inside your Subaru..............free
5  No waiting in a long ass line for your number.............free
6. No waiting to take a shit in a smelly Porta-Johns .............................free
7. Guaranteed sag stop at multiple convince stores and gas stations....approximate cost 5$
8. Real time photo-ops..........................................free
9. Real time social media race/ride updates...................................free
10 Flat fix or Stans refill approximate cost.........................................5$
11. Getting a Tit flash from that chick on Huron River Dr........................................priceless
12. Plastic, imitation finisher medals from Dollar General...............................approximate cost 24$
13. Make shift podium shots on supplied milk crates............................................free
14. There will Beer and grub not consumed by the shorter course riders..guaranteed at the finish approximate cost..........................................30$
15. Happy Spouse..home at a decent hour.............................................priceless







problems solved..