Friday, March 23, 2018

Fuckin...............Mechanical Shit....

1.Hit elderly people walking a dog go to prison
2.Hit a guy on a bike go free...
3.JFK had Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield
4.Trumps into Porn Stars and aging Playboy bunnies
5.Wonder what Dan would be into?
6.Kids dont ride bikes, or play with toys anymore...
7.Toys R Us is afraid real afraid
8.Henry just might save TMS from another ill timed shut down
9.Big pile ups at the tracks
10.Its just like Nascar..
11.How hard can it be its a oval and a bike with one gear
12.more dudes are gonna get broken until they figure it out
13.Today! Minducker is released ...
14.Folks love there aero-helmets shit
15.What in the hell...Do you really need a dropper seat post to ride Island lake pal?

Thursday, March 22, 2018

MTB Time Trials: 

The trouble with mtb time trials nowadays is that they’re just too god damn long.  Remember that cross country race you did last week?  Now do it again by yourself.  That seems to be what mtb time trialing in Michigan has become.  Back in the day, Uncle Bobby revolutionized an exciting format in mtb racing; the mtb time trial.  And he made an entire series out of it.  And it was AWESOME!  You didn’t have to bother standing outside of the local 7-Eleven measuring your dicks.  Nope, just show up on Sunday and tie that number on and GO!  Fuck you Strava, Tailwind had KOM’s long before you brainwashed everyone.  Pontiac Lake was like the World Championship; win that race and you got your dick sucked for a year.  Hell, just breaking 40 minutes got you an over the pants hand job.  Those were the days of hot laps from hell.  You could smell the testosterone at the line before they even said go.  Pure exhaustion in less time than it takes Wout Van Aert to clean Mathieu van der Poel’s clock every February at World’s.  Then the beginning of the end for Michigan racing took place.  Little Johnny felt like he wasn’t getting his money’s worth for racing less than an hour. As if that was the kind of Viagra he needed to make a difference in his pathetic result.  Uncle Bobby was too kind for his own good and wanted to make everyone happy, including Little Johnny, so he added laps to the time trial format.  Now your Elite winner was 90 minutes while the poor 50+ Expert was clocking in two hours.  But hey, Little Johnny got his money’s worth!  Time trials should never involve feed stations and sag wagons.

Fight me.
Regards Henry


Wednesday, March 21, 2018

That's what I like about you, the way you hold me tight
Tell me I'm the only one, wanna come over tonight, yeah

So, it looks like I struck a nerve and a few of you got butthurt over my assessment on bullshit aero helmets.  Since one of you took me to task, I will oblige and answer your question.

 Let’s be clear, no one could rock the no helmet look as good as the Lion King.  Cippo’s golden locks were a thing of beauty. That dude was so slick, he’d pull over on the side of the road and take your chick and then polish you off in the sprint before you could get your musette bag out of your mouth. 

You’d think as a Retrogrouch,
I’d still be pining for the days of leather hairnets, but no.  While there is a bit of romanticism and good look to the hairnet, our grey matter is worth protecting despite some of you choosing not to use it.  As I’ve said before, aero helmets are bullshit.  Just look at a recent photo of the Sky train published on Velonews.  Four riders all wearing different helmets.  If those guys aren’t on board as a team convinced of its magical power, then who will be?  I will allow for the old adage of looking fast will make you feel fast and if you feel fast, you might just ride fast.  I can’t deny the power of the grey matter, but you will still look like shit doing it.  I can also agree that there are some swiss cheese non-aero helmets out there; I’m looking at you Catlike.  You will also look like shit and perhaps we can settle it over a friendly game of dodgeball.  Instead, I’m a simple man and prefer the likes of the Giro Aeon or the Lazer Z1.

Keep fighting me…

Regards Henry

what i like about you....
tonight at 9PM