Ramble On......

 Nobody is out stealing your lousy KOMs on a Ebike..

train smarter you turd

 Buying scratch offs at a gas station 

 

 Every male selfie is a cry for help 

 

 

 

 

 

 Masters racing 

 

 

 

 

 

 The only regret in my life is that I said a "sorry" while they deserved a "fuck off".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile in Zonhoven…

 

 Good morning…

To all the good people at Zwift, first off Happy new year. 2026 looks to be a great year, despite the fact our country here in the good old US of A is a virtual dumpster fire out of control.

I really wanted to send this before Christmas, in hopes of being surprised come January first…

I guess I’ll just jump right to the point. I am reaching out to you as a loyal follower of this great virtual cycling platform as a hater of sorts for many years it’s taken me 12 months to fully grasp THE idea and fundamental aspect of this world 

the platform I feel as a complete game changer and I take back and eat my own words of hatred towards it from years ago. So much so that I would like to offer of my advice for various ways, I think that would make it even more Engaging.

I think the platform is missing certain fun aspects of the cycling experience as well as the addiction that comes along the passion of cycling and although I know, technically, this is going to be a challenge. Here are my thoughts and suggestions to further expand this platform to reach out to cyclist and gamers alike.

1. Because weight doping I feel is such a problem even during the free worlds we should have a category that is considered weight doping if you want your weight to be 60 pounds so be it then you’ll enter the doping category. I also think that. There should be some form of penalty if you get caught weight doping within the other categories in various group rides as well as organized banded rides and getting dropped by someone who’s putting out 900 W for two minutes at a time is pretty degrading. Let’s work on this one.

2. Hey, let’s face it New York, Innsbrook and the rest of the world that have been there are pretty kick ass, if You ride it any regular basis this stuff starts to get old. Let’s get some new worlds here. America is a pretty fine place. Why not get with the creators of GTA and dabble in a little bit of San Andreas? There are plenty of great roads in around the Boulder area. I’d be willing to pay double during the coldest months to be able to climb that steep ass stuff in Penciltucky. 

3. Let’s talk about the drip shop for a moment. I love that place and I can’t stop window shopping, but let’s gets some more variety in there, I mean gives all the bikes! From the current out of reach models of to today, to the classics from the. 70/80/90..from time to time, how about a flash sale on big drip bikes, or a weekly special for one off custom team bikes, I can’t be the only one that would love to rock Andy Shlecks S works Tarmac, or the Lion Kings Caad 4.?  GIVE US ALL THE BIKES WHEELS EVERYTHING…put a special team on it and do it.

4. And since we are talking shop, how about helping us over zealous zwifters get rid of those impulse buys. Like make a trade in value or buy back. Ok we all know the Canyon endurance bike is worth about as much as a meal for four at Applebees, but hey 798 drips in the pocket is much better than that thing sitting in the old garage.

5. And what about the garage? I can’t be the only that kills time in the evening doom scrolling? How about giving us a platform to customize our garage? I would much rather spend an hour moving things around and hanging stuff in my tricked bike cave, I mean this is a virtual reality game, let’s add some spice to it, because when I go to pick out my ride for the next banded get a new jersey thing, my garage is kinda plane.

6.Bear with me on this one, I know this one is a long shot. But lets get really imaginative, maybe let’s have a whole Nother section To use our drips and we’ll have a whole Nother race series this would be considered So here goes it use your drips to buy certain performance enhancing drugs from certain doctors. I’ll remind you. This is not gonna be And it could be dangerous so it’s up to you to choose the right doctor who’s going to give you Enhancing drugs use too much and your results will show it use the correct amount your results are gonna show it. This might not be for everybody, but it’d be a whole lot of fun. I think to see who picked the right drugs the right amount you’re gonna have to do your homework. This isn’t something you’re just gonna be able to pull off the shelf in the drip shop.

7.  And because we are living in modern times and body positive is a real thing let’s get some different body shapes in there. I mean let’s say I’m a 350 pound Clydesdale rider there’s not even a body type for me in there and the hairstyles there’s not even one that looks like my hairstyle let’s offer some more hairstyles, body types…

8. And although I’m not a track racer I think a track racing.Would be great and I know a lot of trackers that would love it. This one is big watts win ..the course would  be easy.

9. And not to leave out Cyclocross racing. There should be a series it’s doable despite getting off the bike. The rest is probably pretty easy super steep climbs super steep, descent and cadence reducing mud and uncontrollable sand sections. Obviously there’s gonna be no falls, but this would be really fun. 30 minute 45 minute and 50 minute Races, short intense and really hard

10. Stage races…Tour of Georgia, Tour of California…? Let’s get this party started I can not be the only person that would love to try and climb Mount Baldy without spending a day or two in the car listening to death metal. Valley of the Sun, Tour De Tucson..LFG. some of us never got a chance to do Joe Martin. Let’s reinvent it here.

11. You knew where I was going with this.Cyclists is addictive, gaming is addictive..feed the beast. Parking lot Crit series. There I said and I’m not sorry. The crit racing definitely is getting the short end of the stick. America has some great long time running Crits . Give the folks some Snake Alley, Sunny King, Athens Twighlight. The Tour of the Dairy line mini series in the month of December would be rad. They all don’t have full length the real thing. But let’s get creative.

12. Virtual super stars of the cycling world. Are you ready for this. An occasional group ride or surprise visit in some races with former superstars of our sport,  think you can hold the wheel of a Jacked up Tyler Hamilton with a broken collarbone? Or keep with Fabian Cancallar in a 40k? Come on team let me see how fast Manx Missle really is..

13. Give me better clothing choice, the Zwift logs no matter how many different ways you print them are still Zwift logos clothing should be a unique experience. I can’t stand it when I see four people wearing the same dull kit from the drip shop because the choices are so slim.

14. Weather Weather Weather everywhere..but not on Zwift. Let’s see more rain, thunderstorms, over cast. I got no problem eating virtual spray. Like it never rains enough, a sadly it’s nearly always sunny. And don’t get me started about the wind. I think it would be fabulous to check current conditions before venturing off to Richmond.

I know I’m asking a lot. This has been a pretty long list, and not everything is do able even for a team as talented as the Zwift team but keep in mind variety is the spice of life. Maybe all these add-ons wouldn’t be for everybody this could be possibly three different levels of Zwiftn With an actual different level of payments.

Thank you again you awesome folks that brought us this virtual reality world…

 Fuck your insecurity's 

 

 Why in the true fuck does the average person even need to know the details of this worthless news..