So T had alittle extra time on his hands..surfed the right places and ran into this fool Brian Holm..some may know him some may not either way he was a hardman back in the day...Ol Brian has some simple opinions on how not too look like a complete dick-fuck in a world thats all ready looked upon to the everyday shit kicker as a complete flaming human individual...although T agrees on many of this eurofucks opinions..he is a far cry from being on point with his on the bike style...Off the bike the guy is dialed....always pimpin the latest...very stylish man....but brian is getting old and needs to let the past go...
Rule #1: Don’t wear a cap under your helmet
“Someone who could wear [a cap under their helmet] in the past was Gianni Bugno. But there’s not many Gianni Bugnos left in peloton now. It looks silly — why would you do it?
“The cap was done in the past because you needed it for the sun. Now you’ve got sunglasses. So now, please don’t do it. If you’re wearing a cap it needs to be without a helmet. But please no cap and helmet, just don’t do it.
If you have to wear a helmet always wear the stems of the glasses over the straps of the helmet. Never under.”
T Ok..Ts take on the hat thing..wear that shit just dont fucking wear it backwards aint notin more god dam un-american than wearing a hat with a visor backwards..two exceptions..in a convertible with Eva Green on your way to some burger joint or your a catcher in Americas favorite past time..second dont wear the visor flipped it looks stupid..unless your Pappa T and Id let him get away with it cuz T likes pappa T but a hat under the skid lid is OK in Ts book...sure beats wearing a visor...
Rule #2: Leg warmers go over your socks and under your shorts
“If you wear leg warmers always have your socks under the leg warmers, not over the top. You can only put you your leg warmers over the top of your shorts if you’re a track rider, but you need special qualities to do it. “You need to be a good track rider, that’ll be fine. But if you’re from a small French team you just look silly.”
T yea thats a no brainer..except when your warming up and then its do-able..and while i am the leg warmer subject dont wear em without long sleeves or arm warmers...that just makes no-sense unless your legs are covered in hives or some itchy shit....
Rule #3: Baselayers shouldn’t stick out under the sleeves of your jersey “Somebody who could wear a baselayer was Sean Yates. As far as I can remember he rode with the same baselayer for 15 years, a blue one.
“He was with the Fagor team and once he couldn’t find it. Every day he’d wash it himself. Anyway, the mechanics had used it — they had found it and thought it was an old towel. They’d cleaned the bikes with it.
“Sean was screaming. Probably because it brought him a little bit of luck. I’ll never forget that. Some riders are quite superstitious.
“As a rule though it doesn’t look good when a baselayer comes out under the sleeves of the jersey.”
T..fully agree...
Rule #4: Bib shorts need to be black and not too short “Shorts just have to be black. If you’re a cyclist, wear black shorts. End of discussion. It’s as simple as that.
“Sean (Yates) had short shorts, they were always quite short. They were hot pants. And his handlebars were going in the wrong direction.
T: this crotchy old eurofuck needs to drag his worn out ass into the new age...yea black is beautiful..but you shouldn't pigeon hole fools into it 24/7 colors are just fine in my mind..just dont wear em so long the ass goes thin and plagued with baboon ass...
Ride #5: No ponytails, unless you’re Laurent Fignon “Another guy with a certain style was (Laurent) Fignon. I like Fignon and his ponytail. No one could wear a ponytail. It looks silly; you’d look like a bloody idiot. But Fignon he could do it. He could pull anything off. I love Fignon.
“Those sort of riders like Fignon and Yates there’s not too many of them anymore; everybody looks the same now.
“Wiggo [Bradley Wiggins] he did it; he has the style. Coming in with an Oasis haircut and winning the Tour de France? You’ve got to say ‘chapeau’. That’s something special. Sideburns like that most of us can only dream about and he won a Tour with sideburns like that. Chapeau.”
T: since most folks in the scene are so old hair has escaped them for the most part.....id agree no ponytails unless your a chick and then T's all about that...
Rule #6: Socks should be long-ish and in any colour except grey “Everyone is wearing long socks now. Long socks started with Lance [Armstrong]. He deserves some of the abuse he gets but he did some good also. He came with the long bib shorts and long socks.
“You know in the 90s only the silly Americans would use them. Now everyone uses them. Only the Belgians, Tony Martin and Bert Grabsch use the old-fashion short socks. Or as we call them, the sawn-off East German socks.
“Brad [Wiggins’ socks are] almost on the limit. I mean Brad please think about it twice. I mean it’s not that they are just on the limit, but because when they are too long they look like compression socks and god forbid — nobody wants to look like a triathlete do they? No!
“Please try to look like a cyclist;
not necessarily a pro cyclist just try to look like a cyclist. “Nowadays everyone wants to be individual — you’ve got pink socks, you’ve got fluro socks. If you look at DeFeet they have loads of different patterns; we better get use to it. It does look better if you have long legs and brown legs.
“Black socks, well you can discuss that, but you know the one thing you should never do regarding socks is never ever, ever use grey socks. I mean grey because they used to be white then you washed them with your team kit; you have them back and they’re grey. There’s only one thing you can do with them: you f***ing burn them. Burn them, burn them, burn them.
“The last guy I saw with grey socks was Levi Leipheimer. I was riding behind Levi in the last time trial in the 2012 Tour de France that Wiggins won. I think the TT was about 40km, it was quite long. I was in the car behind for 40km. “I’m sure he remembers the situation — I was angry. I said to him before the race, I said: ‘Levi you’re gonna swap them socks; you can’t ride in those socks.’ And he didn’t do it. Well, you know the history and what happened — he lost his job. There was a lot of rumours why he had to leave the team, but the true story was down to wearing grey socks.
“There’s a fine line, he did a lot of stuff in the past but sooner or later you have to say stop.”
T: short dryer shrunken faded out socks are just plain dam nasty..so T id agrees on this one...socks are not meant to out live your children one season max...through that shit out and drop the sentimental value crap..its overrated
“Not even Cipollini got away with the singlet sleeveless jersey. Triathletes with their singlets, with their long socks and just the bicycles! “I mean they’ve got nothing to do with the UCI but otherwise, probably the UCI would ban them. Just give all triathletes a two-year suspension, just because they look f***ing stupid.”
T: aint no problem when the suns out get your guns out.... as skinny as they are..tan that shit..its a safe way to not look like a complete cycling dork at the local waterpark..another case of old grouchy eurofuckin
Rule #8: If you’re going to get a tattoo, better make sure you’re a strong rider
“Sylvain Chavanel has tattoos. Never ever, ever, ever say a bad word about Chavanel. He’s my favourite rider, number one. I adore him, he’s the coolest guy, he’s the most happy guy and he’s always attacking. “He’s just a good kid so he wouldn’t be the same without them tattoos. He’s got the brown legs, he can wear a tattoo like that.
T: id agree somethin happened right around the time grundge bit the dust..folks started sticking shit through every piece of loose skin on there body..and then along the way it became hip to start using your body as a sketch pad..tatoos are not on the top of Ts..unless its on a chick in flannel and then when she rolls those sleeves up you get the view of those tastefully done pieces of art..other than it...enuf
Rule #9: Don’t look like a triathlete
“If you don’t know what to do just remember you don’t want to look like somebody who’s going to ride a triathlon. Just keep it in mind; a racing bike needs to look like a racing bike. “A real racing bike you normally put on white handlebar tape. In the winter or on a training bike you go black. You go with white tape as it gives you a bit more morale; makes [the bike] look lighter.
“Bjane (Riis) always says to use white. Did you ever see Francesco Moser, Roger de Vlaeminck, Eddy Merckx? They’d never go with black handlebar tape.”
T: what is just plain dumb..its like a nite out after 12 pack of Blatz and 10 dollars at the bell you aint keepin nothin clean....my rule match it to the saddle or go full on off the charts odd man out...
T aint the most stylish man in town but like ol Bri-guy..he has some style to live by...stick around if he get time he may let it flow....
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