MTB Time Trials: 

The trouble with mtb time trials nowadays is that they’re just too god damn long.  Remember that cross country race you did last week?  Now do it again by yourself.  That seems to be what mtb time trialing in Michigan has become.  Back in the day, Uncle Bobby revolutionized an exciting format in mtb racing; the mtb time trial.  And he made an entire series out of it.  And it was AWESOME!  You didn’t have to bother standing outside of the local 7-Eleven measuring your dicks.  Nope, just show up on Sunday and tie that number on and GO!  Fuck you Strava, Tailwind had KOM’s long before you brainwashed everyone.  Pontiac Lake was like the World Championship; win that race and you got your dick sucked for a year.  Hell, just breaking 40 minutes got you an over the pants hand job.  Those were the days of hot laps from hell.  You could smell the testosterone at the line before they even said go.  Pure exhaustion in less time than it takes Wout Van Aert to clean Mathieu van der Poel’s clock every February at World’s.  Then the beginning of the end for Michigan racing took place.  Little Johnny felt like he wasn’t getting his money’s worth for racing less than an hour. As if that was the kind of Viagra he needed to make a difference in his pathetic result.  Uncle Bobby was too kind for his own good and wanted to make everyone happy, including Little Johnny, so he added laps to the time trial format.  Now your Elite winner was 90 minutes while the poor 50+ Expert was clocking in two hours.  But hey, Little Johnny got his money’s worth!  Time trials should never involve feed stations and sag wagons.

Fight me.
Regards Henry