1. The Racer prick...
yep you know this guy..maybe your him..you/he shows up..after already riding for 2 hours, so your nice and warmed up to bury anyone that challenges any KOM you have..

2. The guy who is constantly fiddling with shit..
fuc five minutes before the roll out is not the time to change the fuckin stack height..lowering your already probably fucked up position isnt gonna save you from getting dropped by the above guy..

3.The Time guy..
This douche bag is gone on the road at 200 watts at the exact time of the ride was posted to roll......no waitin...fuc off

im training..


4. The Pro-Dude
Looks fast..cuz he is all decked out in the most fuckin ridiculous expensive carbon wheels, 300$ sunglasses, and aero-lid..the only give away is his unusually is his obviously suds induced belly and cross-fit guns, and is only more visually stimulated by his disease ride kit...

5.Old Fuc
helmet mirror, stem riser, on his 20+ year Roadbike..and worn out shorts showing is his pasty ass are just a few of the dead give away that this fuc wont make to the third stop light before riding solo for the night..

6. Mr Late..
If he even makes the time of roll out..he will probably be wrestling a skinsuit inside his Subaru, or begging for water, or an energy gel while everyone waits for his lame ass...except that one guy who fuckin waits for NO-ONE!
The
7. Un -Explainable strong dude..
His body type isn't exactly Joe-Cat3..he's big awkward on the bike and his helmet is normally crooked..but he never gets dropped..he might rarely go toe-toe with the racer prick..but he is always there...and if he sticks with it Erik Pacfil ill probably be handing Joe Racer Prick his ass by this time next summer..

8. The Jerk with worn out shit
god dammit lube your chain..or change that smelly bar tape...fuc..oh not to mention the worn out 25mm tires that will pinch flat at the first railroad crossing........

9. The I cant stop or fucking wait for no one asshole
doesn't stop or wait for anyone..runs red lights, rolls up the curb side of cars with mere cunt hairs to get through.....hell he doesn't even put his feet down at lights..he's a cat 1 track standing pro...if you flat, or get run down by the F150 filled with country hicks..dont expect this turd even look back...

10. Mountain-Bike dude
Hairy legs,, Monster pulls, and Visors and more often than not slick tires mounted to his off road rig..are just a few of this guys give aways..

11.Team Tactics, tell everyone on how to do shit bro
UNO this guy..you might be him..always telling people how to rotate how long they should pull and what kind of cadence they should be at ......................STFU..

12. The Fuc-head who never calls shit out in the road.
he along with the bunny-hoppin asshole..should of been ran into a curb in his junior years to teach him a lesson..

fuck me how gawd dam hard is it.................point at it.......................jerk.......

13. Mr Aero-Bars
Yes sir...always one of them.. at least at some time of the year..usual Profile century clip ons, and horrible fit are the high points to this brainless moron...

14. The one who has No business even riding with the group
No one briefed mister Hybrid, and 26/1.95 semi slicks that this aint no holding your hand show ya  the country side type of a fuckin ride...this is a dick swinging match..go the fuc home and mow the lawn before your wife comes looking for you...

15. That token chic..
Not to be confused with the love couple...she usually is pretty fit..probably ran some 5Ks maybe a marathon or done her share of tris...not getting dropped, probably would keep coming back


except...

16. for the Creepy Friendly Dude...
If there is a chic in the group..this guy is on her instantly hoping to score before night-fall...or least get an over the lycra hand-job...

go home creep and swipe left or right

17. Mr Fuckin im doing my intervals tonight guy...
Come on..you all have been this guy..2 minutes on 2 minutes..but you almost always save it until you go to the front of the group so you can show how big your upper level Cat3 dick is..to the wrest of group

18. Gap off dude
scared to death and in almost full suffocation mode..this tool cant follow a wheel to save his life...ultimately gaping off the group and making everyone work fucking hard to not get dropped by the interval guy...

20. Cant fix a flat or doesn't carry a pump asshole..
First rule of any group ride is you should have to pass a test on what to carry and how to use it..but since your the same jerk that showed up late and probably and at best case only have CO2s and a tube with the wrong length valve.all of this that is just the recipe
to make everyone in the group hate you...

21. The Cry-baby
cry and bitches about everything from the road surface to the pace.. to the old lady at home..and if h isn’t gapped off or dropped moans about his job..gawd dammit stop belly aching..and ride..its supposed to be fun..fuck

22. The Silent One..
Never talks to anyone takes his turn at the front, and never gets dropped..then goes home

24. the Love couple..
probably both just out of a divorce, fucking like there sixteen again..and can not spend enough time together..and the sweet smell of endorphins, and a after the ride beer only make em more horny for selfies and kudos of hearts and kisses...

spare the wrest of us and get a room..

25. Mr Fuckin Half-wheeler..
you say dont do it..but chances are your the most prolific abuser of this act that should be punished by whipping your ass with brake cables..its the most fucking annoying thing next to..see below..

26. The Jerk who Bunny-hops ..instead of calling out it
probably a mountain bike transplant and thinks that its a good time to show you he is the next Mathew Vander poel at bunny hopping sun baked road kill at 28 mph...I hate you as much as the half wheeler...




fuc it a few more..

27. Pull through like a Fuckin Freight train ..
If you haven't blown the group apart by 8 mile..chances are you wont make the full loop tonight..

28. Monster Pulling 500 watt dork..
Goes to the front an just buries the number measuring device..for two reasons..he either only rides 4 days a week and is sick fresh or he hopes to shred his rivals..

29. The Team..
Two or maybe more dudes from the same tribe looking to get there fix and beat down the Tuesday night crew..

30. KOM killa
Yep..there is is always one dude going for the segment somewhere or at sometime on this ride..like the town line 1500 watt sprint guy..he is gonna show you his dick whether it be on line or slapped in your face..

your typical group ride crew


Fuc ridin solo fuckin rules....