1. Arrive on time…nuff said 

2. Be prepared in a timely manner,  15 minutes at max to get your shit together.. Mthrfckr it should not take you an hour to decide what base layer you should wear or what flavor of ass lube is best for the conditions it’s not the first time you’ve done this..

2. Carry your own pump/CO2 and tool kit…and know how to use that shit…nothing is worse than watching some fumble with a frame pump or freeze there fingers to a malfunctioning CO2 cartridge 

3. Don’t start dicking with your bike 5 minutes before we roll, have the chain lubed the night before, and the battery charged on electric shifters 

4. If it’s raining don’t show up without fenders and expect to trade pulls. 

5. Never and I MEAN NEVER HALF WHEEL! I know you Zwift a ton but by now you should know how to ride next to a live Fckn human

6. Carry enough nutrition. I really don’t mind stopping at a Poedunk petrol pantry but man don’t turn your selection into a long weekend…

7. Keep your weak bladder stops to minimum..go at least 1.5 hours before you have to tinkle Jesus..

8.  Never bellyache about the wind. Its Mother Nature ain’t the first time she blew and probably not the first you experienced it…

9. Don’t talk about work…it’s not good for a marriage or for quality time on the bike

 10. Never flip off motorists..I don’t want to be run over after that racist fuck turns around and takes out his divorce induced rage on us.

11. Don’t spit snot globs on me..I snot enough on myself I don’t need help

12. Don’t complain about the route..it’s never really that bad….

14  please refrain from having your phone play music while riding….it’s annoying 

15. Let me know before you blow through a traffic light…at least one of us need to be alive to call the next of kin..

16. Use the bike lane …don’t ride in the car lane and endanger both us.

17. If your gonna use this a place to do your intervals…let me know..I’ll try and sit in.

18. Don’t buzz my wheel..it’s annoying 

19. Don’t ride over your head….no your limits especially in front of me.

20. If your gonna bunnyhop that rancid road kill or debris in the road call it out..so I can try to avoid it..

21. Try to avoid swearving around shit excessively,  it’s just not safe. 

22. If we are trading pulls, and it’s a solid hard effort, let me know your fading before you blow apart.

23. …. .. ..

Meet all these wingman expectations…

And your still a questionably wingman..