1. More shamey crème the better

2. Liquids then gels, then liquids, then gels, then whatever 

3. Clean gloves..if your a glove person 

4. Stop with the cycling hats under helmets, it’s uncomfortable at the start it’s gonna miserable at 4 hours 

5. Dont hump a bunch a bottles you cheapskate, carry a few bucks for fresh water or stop at any sub they always let you refill free of charge 

6. If your riding with a buddy and he planned the route, don’t bitch about it..

7. Try to keep from finishing into a deadblock headwind 

8. If you planned the ride and you’re planning a 5 hour ride don’t turn that shit into 7. That just sucks

9. Drink more than you think you should because I know you don’t.

10. If your planning a long ride and it’s your route avoid starting in the warmest part of the day, winter rides exempt 

11. Make sure you are wearing your best shorts…Tuesday morning is worst time to realize you have saddle sores the size of black olives

12. And while we are on the subject of shorts….after wasting your time reading this head directly to your cycling locker and throw out all those nasty ass shorts you have saving because you think you might need them 

13. Don’t show up with stupid race wheels and cotton tires…no one wants to stand around and watch you dick with your shit

14. Don’t take me down bombed out roads or heavy traffic areas without giving me proper notice…

15. Motorists often hate big groups of riders nuff said…keep the roll to a minimum..if you want to ride in a peloton go find a fondo or race instead of organizing a impromptu suffer fest…

Just saying….

Wingman Nazi shit